The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
