So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
