butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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