Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
