Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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