We named our party play list daddy issues
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
