college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
