If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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