omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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