He uses pillows to masturbate.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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