so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
