I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
