He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
