Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
