one two three fourrrrnication!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
