i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize