You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
