I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Randomize
