there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
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