So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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