i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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