I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
