she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize