So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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