i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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