We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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