found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
