i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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