and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I woke up under a house in Key West
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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