Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
