hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
