Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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