i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
