I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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