last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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