just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
