tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
