like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
