I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
