Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sorry my hands just texted you
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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