I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
