her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
