Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Boobs are out for the taking
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
