Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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