My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
