My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
