His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
