I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
