I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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