We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
