Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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