if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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