my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Terrible idea I love it
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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