just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
