New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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