I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
