I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
