well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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