You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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