I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
