I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
