I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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