Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I deserve this hangover.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
