there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
