Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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