38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
