...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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