i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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